..YcHeL’s WoRlD…

sometimes you think your okay…

you think that everything is doing okay.

sometimes you think that things are perfect(which will never happen)…

you think life is in favor of you…

but MOST of the time it’ll lead you to disappointments.

Inhale…Exhale…take the deepest breathe and things will turn out to be fine.

Get a cup of coffee and take a cigarette.(lolz!)

Sometimes you just need to feel numb…

so you won’t get affected at all.

Sometimes you just need to listen…

just keep your mouth shut.

Sometimes you just need to write it all down…

so you can express everything.

Sometimes you  just can’t fake it!

You just need to take it ALL out…

get a bottle of beer and LET’S DRINK TO THAT!haha…

It is always difficult for me to express what i inside of me. I don’t know why! It may cause me a bad feeling but somehow i will just keep silent. Sometimes it is better to just keep it to yourself than to be misunderstood.

Oh well, tomorrow will be another day. Hope everything will be better.

Hello there guys! I know, i know its been a long time since the last time i updated. Well, obviously you can already just in the title no, im HOME! Its really hot, SUPER HOOOOTTTT here! Yeah what can i do?!

Well, my travel from Milan to Manila was a bit horrible.haha! Milan to Singapore is really tiring, 12hours of plane ride.DANG! I got sick after 6hours in the plane. I got suffocated and vomitted many times, because we were experiencing turbulence. I really felt bad, they even called a nurse stewardess there to ask me on what’s going on. Oh well.. Oh, Singapore Airlines is really good ha! If you will travel try them. They really serve good food and the stewardess are really nice.

The main event is already finished. On the 12th of April my brother got married. Congratulations to the Newlyweds!weee… Everything went good and everything went okay. We stayed at the hotel for 3 days and two nights before and after the wedding. Oh! and i even cried on the recemption i mean on the program itself.haha! The MC called me up unexpectedly and asked me what will be my message for the newlyweds. Just right when i got the microphone on my hand i started crying.haha! I cant stop my emotions, my mom and dad is at my back and they cried too and without me knowing everybody just started to cry. waahhh! I guess they know how i feel.

I still have lots of things to do though. I need to update my sites and upload lots of pics. I still need to meet most of my friends here but i guess everybody is still busy. Wehh! i hope they will find time to do that for me. I really don’t know when im coming back in Italy eh.

For now, im enjoying my stay here. Im having fun with my cousins and seeing everybody in the family. We always try to bond with each other after 6 years. Its just that im sick now because of the weather, ive got colds and flu.errrr! I don’t even have my voice the past days up to now. waaaaa! Oh, and even papi got sick here.=(

Anyway, i’ll try to update you with the other stuff im doing here. I just don’t feel like wrting now. Im starting to be sooo LAZY! Sorry!=( Take care guys! I miss u all!mwahugs.

Welcome 2008!

-I had fun this christmas. I did not recieve any gift but for me it isn’t that important. What makes me happy is that i gave the kids their presents and they are all happy. For me, "its better to give than to receive" thingy really works. And im not even asking something in return, its christmas and it only lasts for a day. Giving gifts just makes me happy.

-I’ve got my early christmas gift actually. You want to know what is it? haha…Okay, it was a box of chocolate from Texas. Actually its a BOX FULLLLL OF CHOCOLATE! Butterfinger, Cocokrunch,Hershey’s Dark chocolate and hershey’s nuggets with four different kinds. Thanks for the early gift boo! so sweet, it will give me a toothache and stomachache at the same time.haha!

-Celebrating christmas with my new family is a big thing for me. My step sister from Ravenna came and stayed at my cousins house in Bergamo. Seeing the kids, playing with them, and taking care of them makes me soo happy and really fun for me. Papi cooked nonstop that day seafoods, veggies, cake, sweets, peanuts, champagne and wine. Anything more?haha..

-NEW YEAR?!! I’ve ended up the year 2007 a bit sad because i got sick. =( Yes, i’ve worked in the morning and i started not feeling well. I felt suffocated in the Metro and after that i vomitted and got diarrhea. When i got home in the afternoon i got ready because my step sis’ husband will be coming to pick us up. Later that night i got fever and got bodyaches. =( We have eaten early and did the "Brindisi"(cheers!) at exactly 12pm. I drank some wine and i loved it. So, i ended up finishing the two bottles that was opened actually my step sis drank too but i drank most of it.haha! I did not get drunk though.Yay! I slept at 3:30 am because im waiting for my other cousin to arrive from work but i felt tired so i have to go to bed.

-I Drank ALOT on New years! After i finished the two bottles that night, we all woke up late and started to eat again. We opened another bottle and of course, i finished it too.haha! And when we got home, papi wants us to do the "brindisi"(cheers!) in our own place so we opened another bottle here. This time i did not finish it but i still drank some more. haha! Still sick?! No, sure i got cured by the wine that i drank. I did not even took some medicine for the fever but i got well after drinking. I think wine is a medicine for me. =D

-I can’t say that my 2007 went well and was good enough. I think it was all balance for me. Another year of bad times and good time, hardships, obstacles, making decisions, adventures, Failed relationship and new ones, more friends and lotsa more.

-I want to thank all my blog friends. Thank you for always visiting my site eventhough im not updating much for the last months of the year. Thank you for all the good advices and concern you have given me. I want to thank most especially Arianne whose always there for me. Always there to understand me, to care, to listen and always there to kick my ass to remind me that im losing my track. Special thanks to Romina, Astrid, Moieee, Bamtot, Bryantot, Tina, Tric, Nadine, Bianca, Nika and Sherma. From our blogs to friendster up to our Multips..Thank you! I will always be grateful in meeting you in the blog-o-sphere and i hope i could meet you for real. Thanks alot guys and I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

-I might not be good in making decisions, but this year I can say that i made myself stronger and have learned lessons again. A relationship failed not because i want it but because i guess it is the best. Sometimes you have to sacrifice things for the better ones. Eventhough how much you care and love a certain person, time will come you have to learn how to let go. You have
to learn how to stand on your own feet in times of the very difficult times you are into. That Life is never been easy. You have to learn it in the hard way and move on little by little. No matter you cried for hours and hours and even for days. But also there are times of happiness inspite of everything. If ever you’ll gonna read this you know who you are, thanks for the wonderful times that we shared. The feelings are true but i guess it would just be up to here and we have to ended it up. I want to be closer to you but i think you decided not too. Things happened with a reason and it happened just the way it is. It found its own way for us to know and be in reality in the end. I’m happy on what i’ve thought that would be best for the both of us, even it broke my heart and gave me pain. But now, i’ve learned how to accept it even more. Reality bites. Thanks for everything.

-Papi and Mami. 2007 for my parents was a heavy one for them. Papi got operated in the heart for four times and mami got her uterus removed. They were hospitalized at the same month, so imagine me how i was able to do things here and there. Mami is doing well but she still got some problems regarding her hands. Then the thing that made me feel bad just after New year was when i got the news that papi will have to take the Insulin from now on. The doctor said that his case is rare. But im still hoping for better health for the both of them.

-One thing that made my Christmas really complete was to know about my papers getting done in time. Sooner i can have my papers and get a better job that i wanted. And of course, Philippinessss im coming!!! I don’t want to count the chicks yet untill the egg is hatched. So i’ll just update you about it. I will just keep my fingers crossed and keep on praying for the good things to happen. So, help me pray guys.

-The last quarter of the year have made a big changed for me. Its always like "it comes when you least expect it". You never know whats on your way untill you get there. I’ve met Ale along the way. We met, we hang out, we talked, we laughed together, we had fun and we have gone through bad times too. Even if we knew each other for not that long enough, but we share lots of things in common and we know how to deal with each other. I hope things will go smoothly and will be better in the future. Thanks for listening, for understanding my mood swings, for keeping me in your arms when i cry, thanks for caring about me and thanks for the love your giving me. Not much people know about us because i want to keep it a bit private.haha! Just close friends know about it and i dont want to talk much of it here. You know… Well, more fun this year, more happiness, success and love for the both of us. Goodluck dadi, I love you.

-I will never promise something this year, but i will try my very best in whatever i will have to decide and i have to do. I’ve made a mistake and have learned from it. I will continue to grow, try to be optimistic and balance things. I will try to be stronger than ever. Who knows what the year 2008 has for me and for my 26th year of existence here on earth. I will make the most out of it. CHEERS to 2008! Happy Birthday to me!haha…

This will be another big day for me. Another day that i will never ever forget in my whole life. I still remember, i’ve weeped not just only a pail of tears but drum-full of it. I can’t imagine that up to the airport untill the time the airplane had just take-off still my tears keep on falling. My last words were: "I don’t know when i’m going back home again, but i know i will see you all again. No matter what happened."

So much have changed, too much. For 5 years, everybody are making the most of their lives now. Others were success of their careers, others had been married and now building their own family, others aren’t that still fortunate enough to find a good life but still striving hard to get one. We have grown a lot from the past years. Time flies that you did not even notice what could have been changed untill somebody noticed it.

We were always happy. Everyday of our lives, the time we spent together. We have grown and have known each and every character we had. We fight, we argue, we hated each other but still the neverending love and support was still there. Miles and miles away, but i can feel all the affection deep in my heart. All those concerns, even if we do not chat or talk that very often. But when i hear those voices, it goes deep through my vains and feel it deep within me. How much i miss all of those happenings we have had, from our childhood days untill the moment i have left all of you. That i could not imagine after all those years, i am the one who will leave. I’m sorry for leaving guys, but you all know that even we’re far from each other i always carry each of you in my heart. And never will, i will ever forget all of you. I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Life is too short for us to live. We have to make sure that we always make the most out of it. "Live life to the fullest." For a short time of period, i’ve learned a lot. I have known myself for who i am and have learned to deal with other people around me. We’ve spent alot of trials together, too much sacrifices but in the end everything has its priceless reward. You might always be busy, but you all know how much i missed you and wanted to know atleast how you all doing now. But i am happy just to see and hear the news that your all okay and doing good in your own careers. I can’t wait for the day on when i can see you all again.

We were all innocents, on the first time we’ve met each other. We love to talk, to run and play around the school ground. We are all curious in each and every little thing we saw. We were always seperated by the class, but after school we always get to see each other and spend some time. We make it sure that we will have to share our food and other things we possess. We watch horror films, but we make it a comdy film instead. We will buy barbeque and eat like a family. We will do every project together and will not leave anybody to fail. After we finished that last day of our almost 7years together i thought it will already end there. But no, untill to this point in time we still continue our everlasting friendship. I just love the way we care with each other inspite of the distance. Don’t asked me how much i miss you, because my words will not be enough to tell you.

We all have waited for the right time to come. "Expect the unexpected." We have lost a lot in the past, but now things are coping up. Seems like destination and fate is giving it back to us. Just like we deserve it just right in time. Problems never stops, but i know everything has its reason and purpose of why they happen. Inspite of all the bad things that happened, were still a family. One thing that i am always longing for. A father’s touch, care, love, words of wisdom and a father’s advice that i always wanted to hear. And not only i gained a good father but also a big and wonderful second family. Im loving it! We are treated not like we are strangers but they love us just like their real family with the same blood running unto us.

I couldn’t imagine how we became so close. The first time we met, its like we are both snob. But i think that was the first thing that we have in common. We get to know each other and have shared lots of our nonstop stories. We confide and trust each other soo much. We have helped and never leave each other through good times and bad times. We are really like sisters that have shared everything. We talk everything under the sun. We share the same interests all the time. We share the same thoughts and feelings. And of course, we love the camera. We were brought by our own fate here. Thanks for sharing all your wisdom to me, thanks for all the support you gave me. Thank you for all the strength you gave me all throughout. Saying thank you is not enough.

I miss grandma, i miss my lovely cousins and my cute niece and nephew. I miss the family gathering were we used to share and eat lots of foods. Sing the karaoke and dance, make some barbecue and talk about lots of things, makes jokes and laugh the whole time around. I miss everything now. The outings at the beach, spending some days at grandma’s house playing cards and drinking some beer without grandpa knowing it. (when he is still alive) I miss him a lot though, so much. But i know he is happy from where and what the family have reached. I know he is always around guiding us and never stop loving us.

I have too much memories to share but this are the things that i remembered. Actually everything is still fresh on my mind and in my heart eventhough 5 years had passed. I’m really waiting for the time on when i can finally give all of you a hug.

Now, i want to thank everybody that has been a part of me within this 5 years. I would not have reach this place without the help of you. Thanks for all the prayers, for giving me lots of strenght, neverending support and love. I want to thank Him most of all. For all the blessings he have given me and for all my loved ones. For guiding me and helping me throughout my trials and obstacles. Thank you to all of you from the bottom of my heart.

I have made a small presentation. This is the only thing i could do to show how greatful i am and how everybody have touched my life. I hope you like it. And also i want to thank all my "BLOG FRIENDS". You’ve also been a part of me for almost a year now. Thanks for those sweet words and the concerns. Thank you soo much.

Have a good week guys. I love you all.mwahugs

**Here is the link of the video that i have made.Hope you like it!

MY 5YEARS VIDEO! **

It was raining hard for the past week which you should not expect because it is already summer time. At the same time, my tears were also running through my eyes. It seems that the weather is giving its sympathy, knowing that my heart is in pain.

My life is an open book to public. I’ve got my blog friends who knows my problems most of the time. I share my stories and experiences in life for them to know for who i am and what i have. For them to know more about my life, on how i handle them and manage to live each and everyday even with so much difficulties. I struggle in dealing with it, because i know there is something waiting at the end.

I’ve learned and have taught myself about patience and understanding. Hardworking, respect, love, determination and perseverance have been my guide to reach the place for where i am now. Praying, my faith and believing in Him are the things that i never forget all throughout the tragedies and journey that happened into my life.

I know everybody was shocked about the last post i’ve written. I know you can all feel the pain deep inside me and wanted to know what happened or whatever the reason about it. The question remains to all of you who are concerned, whoever wants to share some good thoughts and advices. Thanks, just seeing the "why’s" and wishing that "im doing fine" just give me that relief and the feeling of i am not alone. Just knowing that you are all around there eventhough you’re all busy was a big help for me. Thanks!

I wanted to share with you the story but i can’t. It will remain to be private, it is all about a family problem. I hope you all understand. I just want to share you on how i feel, i just want to release my hard feelings inside and my pain. And i guess this is the only way. My blog, for where i share each and every thought i’ve got. It never says no to me and never judge me. Never tells me what to say but instead let me do and help me take out everything here inside of me. My deep pains…the hurts and the wounds that i have got…that in time help me make it heal.

I felt so devastated, thinking that my dreams and hopes are all washed away. I kept silent for a week because i know i can still manage, but i pretended. I am weak, i’m in pain, i am hurt and i’m hopeless. After waiting for a long time thinking that finally i could fulfill even 1/4 of my dreams and now i am here trying to hide myself. Not only my eyes are swollen because of too much weeping but also my heart. I could not imagine that this things are happening. It is out of my control, things happened to its worst.

"Expect the unexpected." This are the words that remained in me for sometime. It is true. After all, they are just two. It can be the good thing or the worst thing around you. So you should always be ready for whatever will happen infront of you, to the people you love or for those who lives far away from you.

I really don’t know what to say more. What will be the right word to describe me, to describe what i am feeling. I don’t want to hear those voices anymore, they keep me insane. They drag and really pull me down. I feel so disappointed.

I have been through alot, lots of problems that others could have been worst than mine. Should i be thankful for it?…They say He will not give it to you if you can’t handle it and if you could not carry them. But what if i can’t? Will they call me a loser or somebody who is really weak? What if i want to give up now? Will they just tell me i am a coward who doesn’t know how to fight after all? That long before i was telling everybody that i am brave and i will continue to battle even if i don’t have any weapon on my hand. It was really hard for me to accept it…was really hard for me.

I am not perfect and who is after all, nobody is. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I dont know what words to utter because i am afraid that the more i comment and the more i talk the more i damaged things. But i guess i also have the right to do that, i was a part of it.

All we want was to help and to give happiness to our loved ones. But then it was all destroyed. It turned out to be a nightmare that untill now it keeps on haunting me. Sleepless nights together with the tears on my eyes that i can’t help but fall. I don’t want to pity on myself. I want to fight over and over again. Because i know there are people who still believes in me, my capability and my strong personality.

Will you get mad at me if i tell you im giving up now? Will you not love me anymore? Will you not care about me after all?…I get tired too. I have tried my whole life to be a good one but then is this is all i deserve? They say the world is turning, but how come mine turns out so fast that i could not even notice i was happy for a long time. It was just like a glimpse. It arrives and leaves too fast.

I dont want whatever i am feeling right now.(well, whoever wants it anyway.) But i can’t control it and you can’t say just do this or do that. "Easier said than done." Try to put your feet on my shoes and tell me how is it to feel like this way.

I don’t want to say goodbye, its harsh. I don’t want to say im giving up, because it hurts. I don’t want to say im leaving. I will be around, i will try my very best to stand up again. If i can still do it. I will try to be strong and fight over the pain. I will keep my faith. I will try…i will try…

I hope this will not be the last time you will have to see me here. If you need me i will be around, you know guys, where and how to contact me anyway. Just help me pray and thank you for everything. I’m gonna miss you all. I love you all.mwahugs.